A Weight Lifted
by Miranda le Ginger
Summary: Reyn gets closure for Cauthrien's death, and makes her a promise.


A/N: My last part one-shot that follows _Redemption_ and _Of Betrayal_. From Reyn Cousland's viewpoint. It is not very long, but her sotry is not one I wanted to tell as much as the other two. I think I got her points across well enough, anyhow.

Disclaimer: No, I do **not **own Dragon Age or any of the characters.

My world is crumbling down around me, reminiscent of the events at Ostagar. Cauthrien...loved me? She was actually in love…with me? My head is spinning on its axis, my body trembling. She loved me…and I **killed** her. Tears threaten to overflow; through sheer will, I am able to hold them back. The nobles have come down and are congratulating us for our victory, praising my skill with a sword. I do not feel pride; I feel sick. Loghain's lifeless corpse is laying cradled in Anora's arms, the poor woman sobbing at the loss of her father. _I am sorry, Anora. Despite my dislike of the man, I would have let him live. He chose his path._

I remembered his dying words; to protect Ferelden, our home. The words resonated in my head, thrumming throughout my body like the softest caresses. The nobles were discussing the burials of both Loghain, and Cauthrien. Alistair vehemently called for the body to be tossed away; like trash. Something seized a hold of me, and I could not let it happen. "No; Loghain is to have a funeral pyre…and Cauthrien, too." "What? You would give that traitor…that…scum…an honor that our own king was bereft of, until we ourselves performed it?" My eyes locked on to his. His brown eyes were full of anger and rebellion; I could empathize. "Alistair, use reason: Loghain, despite his faults, was a hero. Many people still think of him as one. If we did not honor him, we would anger those people. I also want to do this for Anora…she provided testimony that probably saved our cause. Now, her father is dead. She deserves closure, don't you think?"

Alistair narrowed his eyes at me, a question lurking in his eyes. "There is more, isn't there?" I sighed, thinking about how I would word this next question. "I did not like Loghain very much; if at all. But, he was a great man, before Cailan came into the picture and his beliefs shattered his honor. Even though he went about it the wrong way…his heart was in the right place. I am honoring the man he was before; not the brute I just killed." Alistair looked at me a little longer, and then sighed. "Alright, Reyn. I will agree with you on this one, only because I know how noble you are. You really are too good for this world." He walked away.

I slowly walked towards Cauthrien's still body, which was visible now that the entrance doors were thrown open. My eyes locked on her body, memories assaulting my mind. When I got to her, I knelt down by the fallen knight. I thought of the times when we were younger, running around and playing knight at Highever. We swung sticks until we were old enough to wield swords; we held duels often, and practiced new moves on each other. She was my confidante; my best friend. There were times…when I thought of her as more than a friend. If Loghain had not come and whisked her away…would I have ended up with her?

I love Leliana; I truly do. She completes me and makes this journey bearable. There are times when I just want to give up and let the Darkspawn have me; I am just nineteen, what the hell can I do against the archdemon? But, from the moment we met, I knew that my heart was now forfeit. We fell in love on this hare-brained trip, and I would not trade what we have for the world. But…would Cauthrien and I have gotten together if the Blight…Loghain…Howe…did not get in the way? Could I have been happy with her? Yes, I could have, if Leliana was not in the picture. But, fate would not have us together. I cradled the broken body in my arms, holding my fallen friend against my chest. The tears spilled over, a few landing on her face. "Oh Cauthrien…forgive me. Please, please forgive me…had I known you….you loved me…no, things would not have changed; not with this damned Blight. I wish…I wish things had not changed between us…our friendship meant so much to me. I hope you are at peace, my friend. You…will be buried with full honors, befitting a knight of your caliber. Rest…rest, my dear Cauthrien…" I gently kissed her cold forehead, gently returning her to the cold floor.

It has been hours; I have not left the site of the Landsmeet. My heart is so weary; sick. I hear footsteps behind me; I instantly know Leliana is there. She sidles up behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "What troubles you, my love?" I avert my eyes from her. "I have been thinking…about Cauthrien…Loghain. Am I…am I like him?" "What? Of course you are not like Loghain. He has committed horrible atrocities, in the name of his country. Why would you think this?" "Because…he was not truly bad, or even insane. His love of Ferelden was so great, that he went to enormous lengths to protect her, even at the loss of life and king. I too love Ferelden; I have killed people, many people, to save her. How do I know I will not do the same one day?"

Her hand cups my face, her thumb caressing the skin there softly. "I know because of you, Reyn, and how you are. Yes, you are a devout Ferelden and love your country very much. But, you are noble, the most noble person I have ever known in fact. You are not capable for evil, even though it has tried to corrupt you. And Cauthrien…that is not your fault. She knew the ramifications of her actions and chose death. You are blameless, my Warden." "She chose death because she believed her honor to be forfeit…and her love unreturned." Leliana's blue eyes looked deep into my own. "Are you saying…that you loved her?"

"No, my dear bard. Maybe, if things were different…I could have. But, I found you. The Maker chose you to be the woman that stole my heart, and even had Cauthrien lived…her feelings would have been unrequited. It is a shame; she was truly a remarkable woman. She…would have been great someday." My sweet bard's eyes glistened with sympathy and love. Always love. "She would be proud of you, my Warden. You gave her a pyre fit for a knight of her caliber. Now, she may be at peace." "That's all I ever wanted for her; for myself…for us."

Peace. Many strive for it but not everyone can reach it. It has so far been unattainable for me, and my faithful companions. But…maybe, once this is over…it will come. I imagine I can see Cauthrien from up above, smiling down on me with that smile she used to always give. _Yes_, I think. _A time of peace sounds pretty great_. I will defeat the archdemon and stop the Blight, no matter the cost. _This…is for you, Cauthrien, and for the parents that raised me to be the woman I now am. _


End file.
